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Deviousness `anmari has been spreading her infectious positivity throughout our community for over 6 years. Throughout this time Ana has been at the core of all things devious, passionately developing an eclectic gallery, helping organise devmeets, participating in chat events and also recently completed dedicating her time as a Community Volunteer. We are absolutely delighted to bestow the Deviousness Award for May 2013 to `anmari, congratulations! Read More
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Sta.sh
I must say that I wonder if the actual content of the poem itself could be improved a little bit. I like the direct approach of the actual poem, but I think certain parts don't make as much of an impact. To me, without the concrete shape of the bottle, the poem itself could be seen as a bit melodramatic. For instance, "I'm drowning in regrets I can't resolve" sounds terribly cliché. Usually I would suggest that most poems try to be specific when bringing up any issues (for instance, what specific sort of regrets are being alluded to?). However, I think because of the limitations of the concreteness, it is important to find an original turn of phrase to express regret instead. Phrases like "vicious cycle" and "fill the hole" sound too uninspired and trite to me as well. Again, I think the concrete bottle-shape of the poem distracts readers from the actual content when both are important!
That being said, I absolutely loved the rhyme of "Jack" and "back!" at the end. It gives the poem that hopeless feel of finality, that alcohol is all there is, expressing that "vicious cycle" you made too plainly stated earlier. As far as content goes, the beginning and end are the strongest, but I definitely challenge you to reevaluate the middle parts and see if you can find more original ways to express the feelings of drowning in regret, about vicious cycles, as these have been stated hundreds of times before.
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